Day 40: Future
#Evolving40 Day 40: Future
Today’s post is the last of The Evolving 40. After 77 days of 3 Good Things, and 40 days of The Evolving 40, I’ve spent a lot of late nights writing and reflecting after I put the kids to bed. I’ve been joking with Darren that next up will be “The Quarantine 100,” but in truth I will be happy to give the nightly soul-searching a rest and watch a little more Netflix.
There have been moments during the past 40 days when I’ve been so exhausted that I didn’t feel like writing anything, and I kicked myself for taking on the project at all. But to me, 40 is a big milestone. I didn’t want to just wake up one day and suddenly be 40; I wanted to greet it intentionally and feel like I was ready to begin the next decade. I wanted clarity on how I’ve evolved over the past four decades and how I’m still evolving, and thinking through these themes has helped me accomplish that.
Being honest about my imperfections and struggles means that I don’t feel ashamed of them anymore. A couple of times I’ve had a light “vulnerability hangover,” as Brené Brown calls it, where shortly after sharing openly, I wonder if I’ve been too honest. Each time, though, I remember one of my favorite quotes, by Andy Warhol: “Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, 'So what'. That's one of my favorite things to say. 'So what.’” Truly -- SO WHAT? I've shared what I wanted to, and people’s reactions are their own business.
As I look to the future, there are plenty of things that I’d still like to do: visit Greece, Prague, Thailand, New Zealand, and Alaska or Norway to see the Northern Lights. I’d like to go back to Barcelona and take the kids to Hawaii. I’d like to publish books and create products that inspire laughter and more wholehearted living. I want to help perfectionists and school achievers like myself recalibrate their inner compasses and learn to trust themselves again.
Whatever I do, I’d like to do it with the deep knowledge that I can invent a number of different futures for myself. There are always multiple paths and open doors, even if I can’t see them at first. Perfectionism can slide me into defeat and despair when things don’t go the way I planned them; they feel altogether ruined. But when I practice the pause and breathe, I’m able to remember what I do when I encounter a roadblock while driving. I don’t helplessly stop and park in front of it, and I don’t turn the car around and head home. Instead, I figure out a detour to get to my intended destination, and I can do that in everyday life, as well.
I turn 40 next week and feel more at home with myself than I ever have. I’m more okay with whatever I’m feeling in a given moment, more compassionate to myself and others, and more optimistic that whatever’s not working -- from healthy sleep to the Reschool Yourself manuscript -- just isn’t working YET. And with each passing day, I deepen my conviction that with the right focus and creativity, I can figure out a way to make it work.
Thank you for reading and sharing your own thoughts on these 40 themes. I’ve appreciated every comment and insight, and each opportunity to connect. I feel fortunate to have you all in my corner as I start the next chapter of my life.
* How I’ve evolved: Realizing what’s most important to me -- my health, my relationships, and my imagination -- and feeling deeply grateful for them.
* How I’m evolving: In making everyday decisions, I’m more aware of choosing what aligns with my values, my calling, and the way I want to spend my time. Present Melia is more considerate of Future Melia and tries to set her up for success, whether it’s washing the dishes in the sink or saving for retirement. I realize that the choices I make in the present are creating my future, and that sense of agency is empowering.
Links:
- FutureMe: Write a letter to Future You and read anonymous public letters: https://www.futureme.org/letters/public
- Why Your Present Self Doesn’t Give a Damn About Your Future Self, by Becky Kane: https://medium.com/ten-timezones/present-self-vs-future-self-f598f5ab0e2a
- Balancing the Past, Present, and Future: Semi-Together episode 17: https://semitogether.com/podcast/balancing-the-past-present-and-future
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You’re welcome to join me anytime for The Evolving 40. On the daily theme, think: “How have I evolved? How am I evolving?”
Post in the comments below or on your own social with the hashtag #evolving40. Whatever comes up is what’s meant to be.
