Hi, I’m Melia Dicker, and I’m an evolving perfectionist.

If you are, too, at least we’re in good company.

My Path Here

Over the last 20 years, sometimes intentionally and sometimes indirectly, I’ve been working on healing my perfectionism.

I grew up in a small town in northern California with a loving family and supportive teachers. It wasn’t my environment that was intense; it was my nature. From a young age, I was sensitive, anxious, and hard on myself. I worried that in order to enroll in kindergarten, I’d be quizzed on how to whistle and wiggle my ears. I didn’t know how to do either of those things! (And fortunately, they weren’t prerequisites.)

My whole identity in school was as a high achiever, and as I grew into my teenage years, the pressure mounted for flawless grades and test scores. Getting into a good college seemed like the most important thing in the world. The constant slog of studying and evaluation felt meaningless and dehumanizing, and I fell into a depression. I felt like there had to be more to life than being graded and ranked.

In college, I found what I’d been longing for: democratic education. It was a kind of schooling that educated the whole child, that catered to many different interests and intelligences.

At 25, I co-founded Spark, a program to help middle-school kids explore their dream jobs. I hoped they could stay connected to what they wanted for themselves instead of what other people expected of them.

At 28, I did the Reschool Yourself project: I quit my job and relived my K-college education, writing about what I learned from being “a kid again” back in my old classrooms. I realized that the institution of school, with its focus on high-stakes achievement and one-shot perfection was the most powerful trigger for my perfectionism.

Over the next ten years, I continued working in democratic education, the arts, college access, and communications. At 38, I started the Semi-Together podcast with my sister, Gill, to acknowledge what’s going well and what’s a struggle at any given moment.

Throughout, I’ve done a lot of work on myself through books, workshops, retreats, therapy, and mindfulness practices.

Now, as I’m about to turn 40, I’m launching The Evolving Perfectionist, a source for compassion- and confidence-building content for perfectionists to get out of their own way and live wholeheartedly. My mission is to help self-critical people—especially women —learn to accept themselves, unlock their unique gifts, and make their highest contributions to the world.

There is so much we each have to offer, if only we can let ourselves do it imperfectly.

Healing and Learning to Thrive

It’s not an easy road for those of us who struggle with perfectionism, but we can learn to heal.

We can look to models of vulnerable, courageous women like Brené Brown, Anne Lamott, Glennon Doyle, and Reshma Saujani who are channeling their intensity toward social change.

We can be honest with each other about our struggles so we don’t feel as alone.

We can treat ourselves as gently as we would a friend in our situation.

Healing perfectionism is an ongoing practice. We are always evolving, and it’s essential to give ourselves credit for each bit of progress.

Connect with Me

I’m not yet sure what this site will become in addition to a home for The Evolving 40, but I know that I have a lot to share about what I’ve learned, and what I’m still learning, about being an evolving perfectionist. I’d love to hear your story and what kinds of resources I can share to support you. Reach out anytime at melia@evolvingperfectionist.com.