Day 29: Healing
#Evolving40 Day 29: Healing
I feel so very tired these days. I’m troubled that our collective trauma and fear is bringing out the worst in many people; I miss my loved ones and am grieving my indefinitely postponed plans to see them (including a trip to my beloved Barcelona for my 40th); I came down with a head cold a couple of days ago (no fever or respiratory symptoms, thank goodness). On top of it all, Avery -- who likely gifted me with her daycare germs -- continues to wake me up at least once overnight, disrupting my sleep.
For those of us who struggle with anxiety and depression, this time has been especially taxing. My own internal challenges are more than enough without all of these external obstacles piled on! Some days, I want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head until this is all over.
But as that’s unfortunately not an option for most of us, we do our best to cope. Today I pulled out as many tools from my mental health toolbox as I could: meditation, therapy, meds, messaging with friends and family, playing Beethoven fortissimo on the piano, belting out Fiona Apple, cuddling with the kids, throwing a frisbee around in the yard (nature + exercise + family time) even though it was HOT outside, Ben & Jerry’s AmeriCone Dream, wine, writing this post, and likely watching Schitt’s Creek and reading from Man’s Search for Meaning before bed. I also tried screaming into my pillow a couple of times, and did THAT feel liberating.
I’ve been thinking today about the Pixar movie Inside Out, which is an ingenious illustration of emotional diversity and parts work (the psychological model of different parts that are in balance or conflict). One of the pivotal scenes is when the main character, Joy, tries to cheer up another character after he’s suffered a loss, and her peppy efforts fall flat. Sadness, on the other hand, hugs him and acknowledges the pain of his loss. Though Joy thinks that Sadness will just make him feel worse, her empathy helps him heal.
I often feel that my intensity, my high sensitivity and connection to my shadow side, are just too much. In a culture that largely celebrates “good vibes only,” I can feel like a downer and a burden. In hard times, however, I think it’s a gift to be able to empathize with people who are hurting (that is, all of us right now) and put words to that suffering. Acknowledging and accepting the reality of that suffering are necessary steps to healing.
Sadness, grief, anger, and all of the emotions we’re feeling right now are perfectly normal responses to trauma. Acknowledge them. Feel them. Name them. Let them come and go. Get the support you need, whether from loved ones or a licensed therapist (most insurance is covering telehealth through the end of the year, and therapy is a freaking godsend).
When we have enough distance from this trauma, enough time and perspective, the healing can begin. And my god, I’m looking forward to starting that process.
In the meantime, if you feel like you have to pretend to be handling the current stressors like a champ, be vulnerable and give others permission to do the same. If they can’t handle you, they’re not for you. As the brilliantly intense Glennon Doyle says: “You will be too much for some people. Those aren’t your people.”
* How I’ve evolved: Recognizing the yin and yang of darkness and light. They’re both necessary parts of human nature.
* How I’m evolving: Accepting my intensity as both a challenge and a gift; learning to channel it in healthy ways that heal instead of hurt.
Links:
Inside Out: Sadness comforts Bing Bong: https://youtu.be/GgQBPSECgZg
Parts Work: Who’s Sitting Around Your Inner Conference Table? https://www.anniewright.com/parts-work-whos-sitting-around-your-inner-conference-table
Four Lessons from ‘Inside Out’ to Discuss with Kids: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/four_lessons_from_inside_out_to_discuss_with_kids
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You’re welcome to join me anytime for The Evolving 40. On the daily theme, think: “How have I evolved? How am I evolving?”
Post in the comments below or on your own social with the hashtag #evolving40. Whatever comes up is what’s meant to be.
