Day 25: Nostalgia

Jul 10

I’ve always been prone to nostalgia, even as a child. At 10 years old, I remember having so much fun staying at my cousin’s house for a week one summer -- playing Mario Kart on Super Nintendo and walking to the 7-11 for Slurpees -- that I wanted to rewind time and do it all over again. I still wish I could dip back into the past for just a day and visit some of those happy times: rounds of hide-and-go-seek tag with the neighbor kids until our parents called us in for dinner, or dorm room dance parties with my college girlfriends.

Today was a fitting day to write about nostalgia, as Darren had signed us up for a 90’s trivia contest hosted by an advertising platform. With the other participants, most of whom who were in their 30s and 40s, we reminisced over Zoom about renting videos, eating Fruit by the Foot, and watching TGIF shows back to back (Full House, Family Matters, Step by Step, and Perfect Strangers). Darren and I answered questions ranging from the Easy Bake Oven to Nirvana and won second place.

Researchers (see article linked below) have only recently changed their perspectives on whether nostalgia is good for us. It used to be seen as a depressive disorder at best, demonic possession (!) at worst. Current studies have found that nostalgia serves a “crucial existential function,” giving our lives a sense of continuity and meaning. It can help us with transitions, rooting us in tradition and people that we can rely on. Remembering good times past can also make us more optimistic that there will be more to come.

At different times in my life, I’ve used nostalgia in healthier ways than others. During bouts of melancholy, I’ve idealized the past and have seen it as better than the present. When I’m more content with my present life, I can look back fondly without yearning to go back.

Now it’s only in the toughest moments that I long for the past -- when the kids are being difficult, those simple, pre-children days have an extra enticing sparkle. Most of the time, however, I can remind myself, “These are the good old days,” like tonight when we had a family freeze dance party in the living room.

Today I can listen to a playlist of mid-90s radio hits without feeling sad for days gone by; instead, I can revel in the joy I felt giggling over teen magazine quizzes with Katie, my high school bestie. She sent me a card in advance of my 40th birthday (“Can you believe we’re 40?!?!”), and it gave me warm fuzzies to see her beautiful cursive, same as it ever was. We’ve been friends since we were 13 years old; we’ve seen each other through so much change and still act like silly middle schoolers when we get together.

In COVID times, when a lot of us are wistful for even the most mundane routines of our normal lives (like hugging friends hello, or leisurely browsing in a shop) it’s especially important to have “anticipatory nostalgia” -- imagining the good memories that we will create in the future. I know that we’ll appreciate them that much more once we get there.

* How I’ve evolved: Realizing the benefits of nostalgia, and being able to fondly savor memories without clinging to them.

* How I’m evolving: Acknowledging that good things have happened, and they will again in the future. Remembering to savor the good and take mental snapshots when I’m content, knowing that I’ll look back nostalgically on these moments in the future.

Links:

- What Is Nostalgia Good For? Quite a Bit, Research Shows: https://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/09/science/what-is-nostalgia-good-for-quite-a-bit-research-shows.html

- Take a Walk Down Memory Lane. It Can Be Healthy: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/25/smarter-living/nostalgia-memories.html

If you’d like to join me for The Evolving 40:

- All are welcome. Jump in at any time.

- On the daily theme, think: “How have I evolved? How am I evolving?”

- Length and format are up to you.

- Post in the comments below or on your own social with the hashtag #evolving40.

- Whatever comes up is what’s meant to be.