Day 32: Courage
#Evolving40 Day 32: Courage
** starts every day by getting out of bed, putting her feet on the floor, and telling herself, “Today I will choose courage over comfort. I can’t make any promises for tomorrow, but today I will choose to be brave.”
The intention to be brave is powerful, and the follow-through is challenging by its very nature. If an action requires us to be brave, it means we’re afraid of doing it.
Being brave looks different for everyone, and it’ll look different as you move through your life. What scared you at age 10 -- speaking up in class, for example -- will likely be different than what scares you at 35, though it could just be a grown-up version of the same fear: speaking up in a meeting, or giving a speech. As Susan Jeffers says, you "feel the fear and do it anyway."
Most of us have been brave in a thousand ways during this pandemic, with our lives altered and sometimes turned completely upside down. I'll bet a number of the following are true of you:
- You’ve sheltered in place even though it’s difficult, especially with dependents who require a lot of attention, and most especially when you’re trying to work on top of that
- You’ve sacrificed many things you love or have looked forward to: seeing loved ones, taking trips, commemorating milestones (weddings, birthdays, funerals, graduations)
- You’ve carefully weighed the risks and benefits of taking steps into the world, including sending your kids back to school (or returning to the classroom, if you’re an educator), which requires a lot of time and energy
- You have followed through with a number of work and home commitments in spite of a great mental load that kills focus and long-term planning
- You managed not to lose it and yell at the people you’re quarantining with, in a moment where you wanted to
- When you did lose it and yell, you apologized and figured out what would be more productive next time
- You stayed with a hard conversation until you made progress, instead of shutting down or lashing out
- You’ve pivoted to plan B, plan C, and beyond when what you were attempting (homeschooling, working from home, keeping your business going, helping your family stay hopeful) wasn’t working
- You’ve dealt with hardship like financial strain, unemployment, illness, or loss
- You’ve found coping strategies that bring you moments of joy, calm, and gratitude, without feeding any serious issues like addiction
- You got out of bed. You lived another day. You showed up and tried again.
Every one of these acts has taken courage. If you’re hard on yourself like I am, you’re more likely focused on everything you think you’ve failed to do during this time. Maybe it started out aspirational, like learn French or build a treehouse for the kids, then it scaled down to basic, like not falling behind at work -- and even that has been a daily battle. You may have a nagging feeling of disappointment in yourself a lot of the time because your self-imposed To-Do list is so long.
If that’s the case, I urge you to a) recognize that we are in the middle of a global pandemic, unprecedented in our lifetimes, and our brains are in survival mode [see articles below], and b) go back through this list slowly and really give yourself credit for the courage it took to do each one of these things. I am telling you, it was not nothing. It was brave. You are braving your way through all of this.
Lastly, c) Shorten your To-Do list. Or, swap the ambitious tasks with “Shower” and “Get the kids dressed,” so you can cross them off and recognize how much you are actually functioning right now even if it feels like you’re severely under-functioning.
This pep talk is for me as much as you, by the way. We need to recognize that if we are getting through this time with care for others and ourselves, we are being brave. Period.
* How I’ve evolved: Choosing to be brave more often than not, even when I really don’t feel like it.
* How I’m evolving: Even when my expectations for myself are higher than what I’ve accomplished, recognizing the ways in which I was brave in the attempt, or the progress I’ve made toward my goal.
** If you ever wonder why I quote Brené Brown, a professor / researcher / speaker / author / podcaster / wise and powerful human, all the time, it’s because her work helps me live more wholeheartedly every single day. Read, listen, watch, and learn: https://brenebrown.com. She is THE TRUTH.
Links:
Brené Brown, “The Call to Courage” Netflix special: https://www.netflix.com/title/81010166
5 Ways to Be Brave, According to “The Call to Courage”: https://www.forbes.com/sites/francesbridges/2019/04/29/5-ways-to-be-brave-according-to-brene-browns-netflix-special-the-call-to-courage/#511af75179f4
That ‘Brain Fog’ You’re Feeling Is Perfectly Normal: https://www.wbur.org/cognoscenti/2020/04/22/cognitive-change-stress-coronavirus-molly-colvin
‘Allostatic Load’ Is the Psychological Reason for Our Pandemic Brain Fog:
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You’re welcome to join me anytime for The Evolving 40. On the daily theme, think: “How have I evolved? How am I evolving?”
Post in the comments below or on your own social with the hashtag #evolving40. Whatever comes up is what’s meant to be.
